Monday, April 4, 2011

Single Digit Countdown

As I alluded to in my now once again distant blog post, God does have a plan for us.

It's amazing to see the work He has done on our lives over the last few months. And where to start with His greatness?

Well, as I mentioned before, September was a particularly difficult month for us. But just as the month began with great disappointment and pain, it ended in surprising good fortune and greatness.

I was pregnant! Again. And already!

From the beginning I was cautious about getting too excited too soon, but I knew in my heart of hearts that this little one was not going anywhere.

The beginning of my pregnancy saw me seeing the doctor I had seen when I was pregnant with Eavan, and me insisting on getting blood work drawn to test both my progesterone and HCG levels to ensure everything was looking A-ok. And I was grateful to see it was. Because I had gotten pregnant again so soon, I had an ultrasound at the beginning of my pregnancy to get a due date. When I went in for the ultrasound, I was a bit surprised when the tech said they couldn't see anything. So, I left the office with a comforting note of "Cannot confirm viability, Rescan in 3 weeks".

Apparently I must have found out ridiculously early that I was pregnant. When I returned in just over 3 weeks, we were happy to see that there was a little heart beating and that there was indeed a little babe growing within me. I was then 8 weeks pregnant.

Once we saw that heartbeat and that our little bean was growing, I was able to breathe a little easier.

I am now 31 weeks pregnant! Which means I am starting the single digit countdown. At least until my "guess date". I'm happy to grow our little blessing as long as is needed.

I am loving all the little kicks and rolls. And Eavan getting up in the morning to kiss my belly and tell her baby brother she loves him? You want to talk about God melting your heart? To see my daughter love like she does already, that truly is a gift. Now I just pray she still loves him so gently and sweetly when he makes his arrival!

Which will be at home, by the way. And we are beyond thrilled! We have had the pleasure of having our prenatal care with our Blessingway Midwives, Jenn and Jess. Jenn, who was my amazing and loving nurse when I was in the hospital to deliver Eavan, and whom I had wished many, many times would have been the one to actually deliver her, will be by my side once more to welcome our son!

Yes, God has blessed us richly. Both Duane and I have grown in our faith so much over the last few months (which is a whole other long post), and it is amazing to feel the love that God has for us. The love that we have as a family is His most precious and greatest gift. If we have nothing else, we have each other...and we have Him. And I am so grateful.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

In a moment.

Wow, it's only been 7 months since my last post. Or has it been longer? Well coincidentally (or maybe not so much), just one day after deciding to leave Facebook, I find myself looking for something to do, so here I am. Hoping to distract myself with all the right things this time. And since it's been about the same period of time since I've done any writing at all, I think it's time I kick it up a notch.

A lot can change in 7 months. Everything can change in just 7 months. I'm not even sure I'm the same person I was last time I wrote. In fact I know I'm not.

So what's changed? What's happened?

Well, to start things off, we found out at the end of August that we were pregnant. This was a very welcome and exciting moment for us. Because unlike little Miss E, baby #2 wasn't as eager to join our family as we hoped. But after months of trying, we were finally expecting to welcome a new addition to our family. And we were beyond excited!

However, God had a different plan for us. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, things just didn't quite feel right. I had a lot of anxiety. And I just felt off. I was moody and grumpy; mood swings from one extreme to the other, which while some might quickly attribute to crazy pregnancy hormones, I just knew it wasn't me. And I was exhausted. Far beyond anything I had ever felt before. Just a week and a half after getting that positive test, I woke up one morning to blood. And I knew the baby was gone. And I was broken.

In the smallest of moments, life can flip you upside down.

I had only known I was pregnant for a short time, but it's amazing how everything changes almost immediately.

September was a difficult month for us. Spiritually, I would say that both Duane and I were at a serious low point. We never really talked about how we felt about our loss. Which made me feel alone in the emotions I was feeling. Did he blame me? Was it my fault? Were we being punished? On top of that we had all sorts of trouble with our turning two year old. We had decided it was time to toss the pacifier, E's constant bedtime companion. Which in itself wasn't a particularly joyful experience. Then E learned how to jump out of her crib. And so we moved into a toddler bed within days of tossing the paci. And she also learned how to open doors. So, September was a month of minimal sleep, a lot to do, and little time to mourn.

But God has a plan for us...

Thursday, June 17, 2010

The Soundtrack of My Life

I'm sitting at my desk listening to classic tracks I listened to when I first met my now husband. The songs take me back down a winding tunnel of time; back to the time when I was first discovering love and what it meant to truly care for someone.

It's funny the way that music can affect our lives. It transcends through time to weave a sort of soundtrack of our lives. And the soundtrack evolves as we do and as we encounter different experiences. What does your soundtrack look like?

Mine starts with the Fred Penner classics like The Cat Came Back and the Sunday School rhythms I danced to as a child. Which crept to the upbeat "before I knew better" beats from the classic staples of Dance Mix '93, UB40 (C'est La Vie, anyone?) and The Bodyguard soundtrack. In my tween years TLC's CrazySexyCool and the dreaded Ace of Base made an impactful showing.

Like many people Junior High and high school was where music really began to become ingrained as a part of my personal being. How many times did I lock myself in my room in classic angsty teen girl style, pumping my life-altering selection of the moment? Bands like Bush, Foo Fighters, old school Green Day and Lit. Everclear's So Much for the Afterglow, brings back particularly fond memories of Friday nights with my girlfriends. And do I need to mention my overly obsessed extensive time period when I seriously thought I was going to marry Daniel Johns? Maker of music which rocked my inner soul. I remember the very first time I heard his voice singing Suicidal Dream. That's all it took. I was in "love". And the one-sided affair continued all the way from Frogstomp to Diarama.

In high school I discovered bands like NOFX and Millencollin. And when I met Duane, who was dramatically against any band you've ever heard on mainstream radio, I fell in love with Operation Ivy, and local bands Choke and Belvedere. And then of course there was Woody. Whose front man would go on to change my life forever more.

We've been together now for 10 years today. When we met we were kids. Questioning whether love was, in fact, real. And during those ten years we've really grown. We graduated high school together. Moved into our own place(s). Went to college. Got jobs. Got married. Changed careers. Bought a house. And together we started a family. Life has been great. And life has been hard. And there were times we both questioned our relationship. But through everything we stuck together. And we loved each other. And to quote a terribly popular and for lack of a better word "lame" song, it's now truly, madly, deeply.

And through our lives together we always find time to dance. And while today my musical taste has mellowed out to enjoy the classic likes of Bob Marley, The Beatles and Ben Harper, hearing Gob's Lobster Boy will always take me back to the time I was falling in love.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The Pee Pee Dance Updated

It's been just a few hours since writing my last post. I know, I know. 5 months and then BAM! Two in One day.

Anywhoo...since writing just a few short hours ago and bringing the munchkin home from the sitter's we've had some very major success! Two...count them...TWO pees in the potty! And as an added bonus. One poop. Sorry, E, I know one day you are going to read this and be so utterly ashamed Mom was spreading the joy of your bowels across the internet. But alas, you've made me proud :)

I'm pretty sure we also peed in the bath. Because she paused and then said "pee". So...pretty sure that's a clear indicator. I'll let that one slide though. Keep it up, kiddo!

The Pee Pee Dance

It's been a long time since my last post. 5 months, give or take. I guess that shows just how much personal time I've had lately for myself. Or, perhaps I should clarify that to read "how much time I've taken for myself". Because the distinction should be made.

Life has been busy. Between the business, and the baby, the hubby and all the time I spend making and planning meals who has time for bloggin'?

But alas, today I am taking advantage of the little miss hanging out at the sitter's. She's only there one or two days a week, but those days are certainly treasured as I can actually get some work done! Or in this case, I'm taking a spare moment to unleash the thoughts that provoke my mind into early waking.

And what's on my mind this week? Hmmm... well for starters, I should mention the one thing that has been top priority for the last 6 days (save today).

E & I have been working on the potty learning thing. Now, before you call me crazy for thinking I can teach a 16 month old how to use the potty, consider this.

Prior to the introduction of disposable diapers, most American and for our purposes I'm also going to say Canadian children, were potty trained somewhere around 18 months old. Present company included. Today, that is considered to be incredibly young. With most children not becoming potty trained until somewhere around 3 - 4 years old. Now, I'm not going to get into the whole "Proctor & Gamble" who make disposable diapers hired doctors to convince parents to wait longer becuase it made a HUGE impact on their bottom line. BUT I will say, that if you think I'm changing the gut-wrenching stinkiness of poopy diapers of a 3 yer old, you've got another thing coming. And as much as I love my cute little cloth booty covers, I think it's time we put them away.

So...back to my current quest. I've been noticing the signs of interest, recognition, desire and control. And I've heard about this window. A window where a child is willing and able to learn the potty. And if you miss the window, the child moves into little miss independent. Makes her own decisions, decides what she's comfortable with, etc. And that window comes somewhere around the age of "terrible" 2. See where I'm going with this?

Anyway, for reasons I won't bore you with, I have decided that we have approached our window. So, as of last Thursday I have devoted myself to helping my girl learn how to use the potty.

And while we're nowhere near being full-time pottying (I'm not even going to attempt nighttime for a while), we have certainly made some progress. For example, we love teaching our "babies" where to go "pee!". And proceeding to the big potty to do the gleeful sendoff. We do this for the baby as well as the rare occurrence we actually make it to the potty in time. In which case the event is also accompanied by high-fives, clapping, cheering and of course the potty dance. Most of which, by the way is performed on solely my part.

My biggest challenge however is that E is already a very determined little girl. And she will hold it literally for an hour, all the while doing the pee pee dance. And even though you have spent the last 3 hours watching her like a well-trained sniper watching for his target, the second you turn away, that's when she let's it all go.

And so it seems, not only has my kiddo shown that she has amazing control, but she also obviously has a preference to do her business in private. And so therein lies my biggest problem. Now not only will she only pee a few times a day, but she prefers to do it in private. Thus making my effors seem like they are never going to work.

But, I'll keep going. I feel the end is near. And after all the time and effort I've put in, this pig-headed blogger is determined that we can do it.

No pressure, of course, little E. Mommy still loves you even if you do pee on her carpet.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Feeling Compelled

Have you ever thought about where your life is leading? Okay, well I'm sure the answer to that is quite simply "Yes, Organic, Jill. Duh", or something to that affect.

But I mean have you ever really thought about it? Each step. Each experience has made you the person you are today. This person right now who will someday do something great. Or so we all hope.

I've struggled for the last number of years with who I really am and why I'm really here. I've always felt that I have some sort of purpose, but am still unsure as to what exactly that purpose is. But I know it's big. I know it's important on a global scale.

All these thoughts that swirl around in my head. And yet I'm not quite sure how to set them straight. How to manifest some sort of realization of a true contribution to society. Because that's where I feel I'm headed. And perhaps if you've been following this blog, you can see where I'm currently pointing.

So, if you feel like saying a little prayer for me, that would be much appreciated. I'm starting to get antsy again, as I usually do about this point. But I think it's about time I get up off my butt and really do something about it. And perhaps I'll take my little Explorer along for a ride too. Hmmm...somethings to think about.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

My Plan for a Longer Summer and Reduced Economic Stress

After suffering through yet another unimaginably and excrutiatingly LONG winter, I have come up with a 10 year plan to ensure that Old Man winter never disturbs us again. As an added bonus, many of my "solutions" can help take us out of this economic downturn and reroute us n the road to global success! It may have some undesirable consequences, but I think overall, it may be worth it.

  1. Ensure your TV is on all day long. Even if you are not home. And if you have more than 1 TV, make sure it's on too. If everyone of us does this, it will ensure that we continue to draw as much power as possible which helps to ensure that we continue to burn fossil fuels and increase carbon emissions into the air. Over time this should help to increase the over all temperature. As an added bonus, if you have children, make sure that they watch as much TV as possible. They say that for every hour of TV a baby watches ever day, they lose 6 words. That is 6 fewer words per hour to ensure they ask fewer questions, and the TV keeps them occupied so that we can ensure we have more time to follow the other steps in my master plan.
  2. Eat Shark Fin Soup. The shark is one of the oldest creatures on our planet today. They are also at the top of the food chain in the largest, most important ecosystem that we have. Right now, not nearly enough sharks are being killed for their fins and thrown back into the water (the rest of the shark isn't very tasty). There are far too many of these maneaters alive. If we can manage to knock out the sharks, all the other animals below them will get a better shot at life and eventually eat all the plankton that provides the single greatest consumption of carbon dioxide in the world. If the plankton is gone, we will have a much greater chance at increasing the global temperature. This is essential in our plan to have a longer summer. You may also consider killing off lions and bears too.
  3. Petition your government to increase globalization. We should be able to get whatever we want, whenever we want it. If I want fruit that grows only in Australia, it better darn well be able to get to may plate right now. This is pretty obvious. The farther something has to come, the greater costs of getting it there. This not only boosts the overall economy, but it also keeps me happy. Never shop local.
  4. Use disposable diapers. A baby will use approximately 10,000 diapers from birth to potty training. Each of these diapers takes approximately 500 years to decompose. Each diaper also requires about 2.3x more water to produce than cloth takes to clean. Disposable diapers also contain chlorine, dioxin and other toxic and carcinogenic chemicals that make sure our medical system continues to thrive. Not only that, but you will also input approximately $2000 into the economy (compared to about $500 using cloth including the cost of washing & drying). If we all have as many kids as possible and all put them in disposable diapers, we can ensure that important toxins, human waste and petroleum products are returned to the soil.
  5. Sell your Honda & buy a Hummer. Duh. This one's a given. Hummers obviously burn more fossil fuel and put out more carbon dioxide. Plus you'll look really cool. Maybe you should hang some of those silver testicles on the back too. Then you'll look extra cool.
  6. Move Inland. If you live in a coastal area, you may want to consider moving inland. I figure living in Alberta, we should be relatively safe when the ocean begins to rise. The rocky Mountains should protects us for at least a while. Unfortunately one of the drawbacks of losing winter is that the icecaps will probably melt. But over all I think it's worth it. If you live close to the equator, you may want to move either north or south as well. Temperatures may become slightly unbearable for those that already are lucky enough to not have winter. In fact, maybe everyone should move to Alberta. Except Mexicans. They will need to make sure they get their Visas. We wouldn't want them sticking around too long...taking the jobs we don't want and being too friendly. Darn Mexicans.
  7. Don't eat the ugly fruit. Fruit should be pretty. If it's not pretty, insist it's thrown out. Fruits and vegetables should be shiny, colorful and perfectly shaped. After all, we deserve the best don't we? Same goes for beef. If it's not bright red (meaning it likely has dye in it) it's probably not good. Throw it out.
  8. Eat Beef. As much as possible, and preferably only steak. Cows take up a lot of land and consume a lot of grain. They emit a lot of methane too. Even though beef makes us fat, clogs our arteries and consumes our other resources, it's important that we keep this industry alive. Our population will likely decrease due to crazy weather, heat in the south and a diminishing amount of water anyway, so we might as well eat like kings while we can!
  9. Take Prescription Drugs. Have an ache? Take a pill. Too fat? There's a pill for that too! This one may not help get us longer summers, but it will certainly have an effect on the economy! Most drugs have side effects that eventually will lead to the need for further treatment. So as long as you start, we can make sure that you continue to support this important industry for the rest of your life! How perfect is that?!
So there you have it. 9 steps to ensure a longer summer. If you have some more suggestions, I'd love to hear them!

Now, maybe you don't agree with me, and perhaps I've even offended you, but at least I hope this makes you think. What is your impact in our world? What kind legacy do you want to leave here? And what are you going to do about it?